Gather around children, and hear yet another epic tale. Saturday afternoon, on my way home from Starbucks. I have a delicious beverage in my hand as I get out of my car. I notice on my fence is a male common Florida lizard. He’s doing the head bob and the neck sac extension at me. I’m bored, and could use some fun; so I get out of my car and give the lizard a go about the attitude he’s giving me. “Back off lizard, you don’t know what trouble you’re dealing with; I don’t want to start anything, but I’ll end anything you want to start”. As I say this, a younger couple are walking down the road in front of my house and approach the man they see yelling at his fence.
At this point I have two choices; one keep playing it as if I’m having a rough go with this lizard gone rogue. The other is to say, “I’m really not nuts… please don’t judge”. Of course, I keep it going….
I explain the issue and the female laughs and plays along as the male started to ease back slowly, scared shitless. She explains to the lizard how I just got home, and want to go inside and to leave me alone… I get in the lizards face, who remains stoic on my fence showing his sac (LOL) to me. After 5-10 minutes of the confrontation I decide to be the bigger man and backoff… the lizard didn’t win, I chose to end it there. I was in no mood to fight and he obviously was just showing off…
As I’m going to my front door, a spot of mud was cleverly hidden by the lawn guy. It took one step and my footing goes out from under me I fall down to my knees with my beautiful.. delicious mocha flowing all over my driveway. The couple that was enjoying the show turned to see me on the ground covered in dirt and mocha, I then turn to the lizard and scream “STOP LAUGHING AT ME, YOU JERK!” and I slam my door…. as I sat on my couch, battered, beaten and bloody… I look out the window and my spirit is destroyed even more to find the couple standing in front of my house, still laughing. I have become the bitch of the neighborhood for all lizards…
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